I Believe In...

Why Believe in Love

I used to believe in an ever-lasting bond; a mutual feeling that connected two people with such intensity, one could barely imagine. I used to believe everyone had another half; a half that completed their very existence. I used to believe there was someone out there made just for me. Someone He had placed in the world knowing we would someday cross paths.

In America, the amount of couples getting married and divorced completely devours those that actually work out. I’ve watched so many people “fall in love” and fall right back out of it. Was this strange falling out their fault? Of course not.

From the time we can watch movies and comprehend what’s going on around us, we’re taught about this thing people call, “love.” From fairy-tale endings to our grandparents’ old pictures, we’re told this thing exists and that it is what everyone should strive for; perfection.

Although I’m only a senior in high school and a mere seventeen years old, I feel like I’ve had quite the experience with this wise tale. Through countless relationships and more “broken hearts” than I thought possible, I have come to the conclusion that love does not exist.

One year ago, I fell in love. He was perfect. We told each other everything and trusted each other with our lives. I just knew we were destined to be together forever. His family was amazing, he was amazing, and we were amazing. What more could a girl ask for, right?

What more could a girl ask for than a guy who lied, told her she wasn’t good enough, made her change, and made her hate herself? What more could a girl ask for than a guy who was embarrassed to introduce her to his friends? A guy who couldn’t remember her favorite movie, quotes, or childhood memories? A guy who stole two years from her and a guy who left her for dead, but claimed he loved her the whole time?

When two months passed and he returned, I was the girl that took him back. When he promised he was different and regretted his mistakes, I believed him. I allowed him to steal back my heart and not think twice about it.

When he tore me down to nothing and left me wondering why I was alive and when he told me he was sorry the next day, but repeated this the day after, I believed him, trusted him, loved him; but I felt trapped under this “love.” When I realized this wasn’t right, he let me go willingly. A figment of my imagination I let control my life until it came dangerously close to its final journey.

All along my friends were there for me, though. Holding me while I cried, telling me he didn’t mean the things he said, and staying with me when I had to hide our friendship from him.

I believe in friendships that can last a lifetime and I believe in arguments being worked out. I believe in enjoying one’s company more than others and that two people can learn to tolerate, and grow to even appreciate, the littlest flaw in each other.

I may not believe in love, but don’t think I am completely heartless and oblivious to the couples out there that have lasted for what seems like forever.

I believe in mutual companionship.